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"Suspicious package under the Christmas tree? OK, please just stay calm and remain on the line."

Early Profiling

No Parking.

Life in the Fast Lane.

Police introduce poetry to reduce stress - Sergeant reading poetry to criminal.

"Apparently he's from a silent order."

Police Feline Unit

Billy. The Kid.

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

Next camera crew 5 mins

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

'Have a heart, officer... the little mite is starving!'

"He's an ex-police dog, so he's very law abiding."

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

'Oh no a speed camera.'

'We've got a new DNA database...'

"You were going 24,998 in a 24,955!"

"Alright, I'll talk. Just please, stop with the good-cop, ab-cop routine."

"You're under arrest for breaking the law of gravity! You have the right to..."

"You have the right to remain silent."

'Can I have your autograph...?'

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

For the last time, officer, I'm absolutely, positively sure it was number four.

'Did you drop this £20 note, Sir?' 'Ooh, YES!' 'That will be a £50 fine.'

"C'mon man, you got the wrong species."

"Well, when you were called a 'bad dog,' were you publicly harmed?"

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

Don't Try Anything Funny.

Arcarde Patrol

"Tell me about your fear of policemen."

It's amazing how people slow down when you point a hair dryer at them.

Police hiding in the ballot box.

"Honey, did you have to bring the whole squad to our elopement?"