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'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

A baby in court

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Judge Mental.'

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

Policeman

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

"Having a real pitbull for an attorney was great...at first."

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

The Jury Decides.

'Let's be fair about this, Your Honor -- how can the plaintiff be an objective witness if my client shot him?'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

Has anyone ever told you you're beautiful when you adjudicate?

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

Where legal teams but their outfits.

I have a weak case, so I thought I'd use big word balloons.

"Does this mean that you're ready to cop a plea?"

"And this is the juvenile court."

"Hockersmith & Associates. May we help you?"

"If she sings it's over."

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

'Your Honor, I have nothing to hide.'

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

"Case dismissed for obvious reasons."

"So, David. Do you have a permit for that weapon?"

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.