Law-abiding Citizens Pillows

"Did you notice the 30 mph sign back there?"

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Mac, I told you last week a collar and a tag aren't enough - there's a leash law in this town.'

'The man was real nice about it. He gave me my ball back and even said you can expect a nice call from his lawyer.'

Statue of Liberty

You observed me speeding? Are you familiar with the Heisenberg uncertainty principle?

"60 may be the new 50 in the fantasy land you live in, but here in the real world, it's called exceeding the speed limit."

'Welcome to HARDNOSE CITY. . . Go directly to jail, next 3 exits.'

"Do you have any picture books that could help a child understand tort reform?"

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

'Sorry, pal. Illiteracy is no excuse for breaking the law.'

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

"Cautious and considerate? Door on the left, one mask each. Selfish and ignorant? Door on the right, do as you please."

Speed laws occasionally enforced.

No Zone: 'Don't know about you, Alf - But I might as well have stayed in with the missus!'

Oscar Jennings, unregistered nurse.

'No, officer, I wasn't driving erratically while talking on the cell phone. I was text messaging.'

'All right, who broketh the window!'

Some mistakenly think 'HOV Lane' means Hot Occupant Vehicles.

'I'd do the 'common good' more often if there were big lobbyist bucks in it for me.'

'I should've stayed the way I was. Now, I have to exercise, watch my cholesterol, and dodge this little pest called Cupid.'

Weight watchers

'It's the law. Everybody wears seat belts.'

'Show me in the ten commandments where it says anything about speeding!'

'The anger management class ruined our budget when they ordered love seats.'

"Walking in the hall carrying a file folder makes you look busy. This allows you to get an aerobic workout and nobody is the wiser."

Santa gets a ticket

New Normal

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

'Admit it - you've been worried since you were flashed by that speed camera...'

"I can exercise as long as I avoid becoming light headed, flush, or short of breath. Of course, if I could have avoided those symptoms a few months ago I wouldn't be pregnant in the first place."