Laughing Through Life's Expenses Gifts

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

Looks like another profit's warning

Missing my hair.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

'Before I give you the bill,do you suffer from heart trouble, high blood pressure,or sudden shock syndrome?'

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

"So you turned off the power, huh?"

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

"Honestly, I think this was a waste of money."

"Will this be cash or consumer debt?"

Truck collision due to incompetence

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"Your total is $10.97 and this is only $6."

'The good news is your ailment is named after me, the bad news is there is no cure,'

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

"The shop was so quiet I could hear your overdraft growing."

Melvin couldn't afford a crown for his tooth so he got what he could with twenty bucks.

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

'Stay away from her.. she can go through your allowance fast.'

'Thanks Clyde for an entertaining evening. The forty nine cent hamburger and the ten cent tip will long live in my memory.'

"Of course - as a private patient you'd get little extras-like anaesthetic..."

New Graduate: Entering real life.

'When I was your age, you could live all year on a billion dollars.'

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

Oil Pressure.

REcalculating...