Laughing At Mischievous Pups Pillows

"I taught myself to beg."

Hush puppy.

Christmas Presents.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

"Why would I care of you scratch the couch? I'm not allowed on it..."

Jerry had a difficult time coming up with cartoon ideas over the noise his dogs made. '...so then the cat says, 'No, thanks. I'll clean it myself.' 'Ha,ha! Yeah, that's a good one,Phil!'

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

'Noah's wife is allergic to cats.'

'I'll be darn lad when your mail-order waders get here!'

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

"A text? Since when did the dog stop barking when he wanted to come in?"

Dog.

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

Meet the Artist.

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

"Does this mean that you're ready to cop a plea?"

"What?"

Beware of over-exuberant dog.

"Perhaps, that will teach you not to wake the tortoise too early!"

Sheep Pranks.

"Let's see now... ummm... one whack on the snout with a rolled up newspaper, and I can let you in."

'I love dogs. I love kids. But when they come in alone I'm not going to get paid."

'That's when he tries to sound like Pavorotti. Now here's how he sounds when he hits his finger with a hammer...'

"I'm sorry that Ted ever taught him to smoke. It's costing us a fortune!"

'It's disgusting! He just sits and licks his balls all day.'

'Go on boy, fetch the stick...!'

"Big deal! You're still all bums to me."

"Good Lord, it wasn't a dream after all! I did shake hands with Rudy Giuliani!!"

Can you believe we're old enough to have kids taking sex-ed? No! Thank heavens they have a curriculum with all the choices. Although

'I ate a lot of homework.'

'Honey, did I bark a lot for no particular reason today?'

What are you going to do about it,Fred? It's your food.

Beware of the Dog sign: Is he really dangerous? No, I put up the sign to boost his ego!