Laughing At Losing Odds Pillows

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Looks like another profit's warning

Our super-heroes bravely battling a brutally blustery day!

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'I see a short, fair, ugly man coming into your life.'

Mourning Pens

Shoveling Snow

"You sure you've done this before."

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

"So you turned off the power, huh?"

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

'With your regular carrier overdue you'll have to use me.'

'Due to the fact I'm hopelessly lost, I'm willing to waive the rule against talking to strangers.'

'Then again, it probably wasn't that bad. I do tend to exaggerate.'

Billy strip: dad doesn't get to shuffle the horses.

Geder Reveal Party

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

'The way I look at it, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.'

Woman returning from Weight Watchers - ""You're late - did you get detention?"

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

New Graduate: Entering real life.

"You're it!"

Plumbers. I said Ernie is a perfectionist, not a competent perfectionist!

REcalculating...

'This divorce is so bitter I hope he wants it so bad he can taste it.'