Laughing At Interviews Gifts

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Don't be nervous, relax...he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like you do. Of course, his pants are tailor made and cost $600 a pair...'

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

Sat Nav: 'You will be sat down all day long...and all day tomorrow...and...'

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"

'We're looking for a consensus-building team player, if that's all right with you.'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Have you any OTHER questions apart from home soon you qualify to take sick leave?"

"We don't think you're management material."

'Well, thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you.' The search for Big Foot continues.

"I told the interviewer I was involved in organized crime, because I thought he'd be impressed that I was organized."

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

'Do you see yourself as a team player?'

'What else can you do?'

Don't ring us and we won't ring you.

'This chicken has absolutely no taste, body or character.' - 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

"You're hired, starting pay is twenty bucks an hour, later it can go up to thirty."

'I'm a hunter, but I've been cross-trained in gatheriing.'

"Congratulations! I think I have just the position for you."

"I see you're of good character."

"Yes, that was very impressive, Mr. Simpkins. But, when we advertised for a keyboard operator... "

'You have a dual-personality, sir, and I think we can use both of them.'

'The fact that I've been married six times proves I'm convincing.'

'Any other references beside me?'

"I see. Very impressive. Now, what would you say are your weaknesses?"