Laughing At Chaos Pillows

"Keep calm woman - you're making him nervous."

"He still isn't paper trained, but I got him rug trained."

"I need to tinkle."

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

A mum trying to dry an excited child

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I can assure you, he is somewhere in there looking for it."

'Sunday in the park'

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

"Walter had an attack of road rage in the driveway."

"Well, I'll be - he cut and ran."

"Welcome back, Mr. Bigley. Some messages came in for you while you were dead."

Mime in an Emergency Ward at Hospital

Emotional Incontinence - Emotional Illiteracy

"I'll call you back. I'm in a meeting."

'Careful - that new bed is a little touchy.'

worrying letters

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

'We're screwed. Three Flashing Furillos eloped with Tribada Trio!'

'Oh dear.'

'The fans are getting impatient. ... Let's give him another minute. If he doesn't come to by then, we'll the brawl without him.'

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

"He's having a bad hare day."

"I'll take the bottom bunk."

Dog is foiled by baubles when attempting to chase Father Christmas.

"Leave that bit."

Lost Biker.

Hand shooting guns wearing rings reading 'Wickedly funny' and 'Shockingly violent'.

"And just where is it written that dystopias can't be fun?"

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

"Ok Mr. Mosley, before we go, would you fill in these forms and complete the questionnaire - not forgetting to leave feedback regarding your judgement-day experience. . ."