Laughed About The Cat-dog Duo Pillows

"Big deal! You're still all bums to me."

"That's how humans reproduce? But, there's three of them..."

Cat Gets Hole in One.

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

Strikeout Dog

Dog on Cat.

'I'll be darn lad when your mail-order waders get here!'

"Let's see, who had the canary?"

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

"He's my discomfort animal."

Dog.

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

Will act like an idiot for food.

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

Cat looking up fish recipes.

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

"Yeah, I wouldn't be too concerned about how stupid that cone looks."

"What?"

"It's called 'salad,' but it's really just a hunk of raw meat."

'I love dogs. I love kids. But when they come in alone I'm not going to get paid."

"Are you gonna' tell him?"

'That's when he tries to sound like Pavorotti. Now here's how he sounds when he hits his finger with a hammer...'

"I'm sorry that Ted ever taught him to smoke. It's costing us a fortune!"

"Yes, our master named us Romeo and Juliet. It's kind of ironic though since we can't stand each other..."

'Next we tried continuous intravenous drip fluid therapy...'

I wonder what fiendish plan those two morons are plotting aginst me...

'Do we have an exit strategy?'

"Oh, thank goodness! My food dish wasn't stolen. It was just being washed and refilled. Nevermind, officer."

"That's odd. He was swimming around fine just a minute ago."

"I hate tailgaters..."

Beware of the Dog sign: Is he really dangerous? No, I put up the sign to boost his ego!