Late-night Television T-Shirts

"My technique for convincing mom of anything is based entirely on infomercials."

'You must have been wearing your beer googles.'

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

Mouse shopping after hours

'I don't leave until I've heard all 25 songs.'

David Letterman

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.

"Come on, Baldo...get up. It's twenty to eleven."

After hours TV.

David Letterman

'Ready, steady, Operate'

'You're not calling the Help Desk again, are you?'

'Turn me back into a lovely assistant right now Martin.'

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

"Do you suppose I could enjoy 'Dynasty' without listening to an hour of suspender-snapping?"

"Boy o boy, there's really nothing worth watching on TV late at night..."

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

'Why do they call them 'soaps'? All they do is dig up dirt.'

"The trouble with this town is there is no day life."

'Dracula watches his first late night horror show.'

Rich Hall.

"Mijo, just do what you always do before you write a paper...it's obviously working!"

"Are the kids asleep?"

"He loves watching daytime shows where people throw a lot of hissy fits."

"I know a lot of people will say, 'Oh, no—not another book about cats.'"

'Do you think the country was better off under Leno and Letterman, or under Fallon and Colbert?'