Last Date Pillows

"And I'm actually the one who puts the giblets back into the chickens..."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Director/Action Man toy.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

Stand-up Romcom

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Don't worry about missing the meeting, Henshaw. We assigned all the actions to you."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

Steve McQueen

Working Late

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

This side is the gag reel.

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Jimmy Cagney.

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

"Well, what are you doing after the millennium?"

Next camera crew 5 mins

Now Playing at the Europlex

Filming Christmas

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

'A rose tattoo for your lady friend sir?...' A female Tattooist offering a rose tattoo, in the way of the old Rose Ladies in clubs and pubs

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

"Which part are you reading for?"

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"And the award for the best use of AI in a movie goes to..."

A 1920's film director with hand-cranked camera and megaphone.