Laser Technician Gifts

"For a laser technician, you're not very focused."

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Jack of all trades

The Computer Bore

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

"You're such a good listener."

"Lemme know when you’re ready to howl at it."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

Fusion Lab. Did you tell the boss we need more hydrogen? Yes, I told him we were out of our element.

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

"My homework ate my dog."

Early cyborg.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"I thought you wanted me to change."

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point.' Tennyson.'

The Not-So Smart Meter

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

Lots of personal improvement classes are going on down there. The white blood cells are teaching a self-defense class. The neuron is instructing others about improving communication skills. And a proton and cornea cell have teamed up to teach a class on staying focused and positive! Is the helium atom participating in any of this? No, he thinks he's above it all!

"I'm going to get you fired."

Congratulations on your retirement!

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."