Language Tinkerer Prints

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

Adjusted sales pitch: 'Congratulations! You may already be a non-winner.'

The Man Who Couldn't Say "When."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robot Parts $5

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

The Computer Bore

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Early cyborg.

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

The Not-So Smart Meter

Gadget geek.

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

Bicycle sat nav.

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

Congratulations on your retirement!

'Roger's busy making a cat-flap in the kitchen.'

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"No, it's not a bug. Since you keep losing you phone, I purchased you a phone-locating drone."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Fixing the Computer.

'3-D TV Kit'