Language Geek Gifts

'I'll never date another apostrophe... the last one was too possessive.'

'The meaning of life? sorry, I can only answer 'true or false' questions.'

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

'Take me to your ladder...'

Out for a spell.

'Well, what do you know - there really is a holy cow!'

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

'It's not scatting if they're under age two.'

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

The abbreviationally challenged...

'What do you say we throw caution to the wind and order something we can't pronounce?'

"Don't worry - I'm a doctor, can you tell me where you're bleeding from?"

'Ofitspray orfay ethay irstfay arterquay?' Find out who wrote this and fire him.

Bear out

Kettle Drum

Succeed

Penfriend

Bull Pen

'Do you spell it K-N-U-T or C-A-N-U-T-E?'

'Don't leave behind any D-N-A. Or E-Y-E, A-R-M or L-E-G.'

"Wait, do you mean an actual murder?"

"If you want to last in these parts, stop saying: 'that's cool'."

'Shia what?'

Match Quiz.

'Beats me why, but it's a sensitive subject: Some people will call you a Buffalo while others will call you a Bison...'

You win some, you ose some.

"I notice the Apaches are using a new font."

Volcano Sneezes

"Oh no, you read it right – the sign said matinée, but also, it's manatee."

Dr. Ernie answers animal husbandry questions. Dear Dr. Ernie, how would you define a cow's cud? That's easy - "deja chew."

Is today onesday or twosday? Neither. It's thirdsday.

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

Polly txt speak