Language And Vocabulary Gifts

'Mother, the other children won't permit me to participate in their activities -- they allege that I have elitist tendencies.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

Campaign for Plain English

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Torturing the English Language

Thru versus Through Traffic

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

Backfire

Punctuation Police

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

What's normal?

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'The Questioner'

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"