Landline Aficionado T-Shirts

'The key to inner peace? A land line.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'Did you just hear that? We are now and endangered species and mating is now our top priority!'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'The King of what?'

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

Fresh fish

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

"Cancel my landline...are you crazy?"

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

'And now for the anesthesia: I've got plenty of conventional anesthetics I could use here but you can also choose to spend half an hour on the phone with my mother...'

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

Phone Mittens

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

...the onion rings

'Hey Josh! This is the Grim Reaper calling. No really! I'm using all the new technologies now and, so sad, your minutes on earth - well, they're up!'

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

Phone generation.

'Environmental dept? Yes, just a query. It's August, it's 85?. It has been for 3 months now...'

"He'll come to eat when he can interrupt dinner. He's playing telemarketer."

"No, you hang up first. No, you!"

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

'If you don't mind, I'm trying to use the telephone here.'

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

Hello, 911? … The pizza place isn't answering their phone!!

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

'I can't take your call right now. Please leave a message after the peep.'

"There's something different about you."

"Hello, Braque? Picasso here. Cubism is out."