Landlady Pillows

"A quick pint, Mavis, I'm running on empty!"

"You must be the new barmaid."

"If you want anything else, just wave your credit card."

'He's here in a way, but in another way he isn't.'

No early morning tea past this landing

'...and don't treat the place like a hotel!'

Goldylocks and the Three Beers.

'When I first saw here I thought I'd died and gone to heaven, but not with beer at these prices!'

"Give me one, three and five pints please."

'Get your kit off.'

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

"If you can't see the sea I can recommend an optician in the High Street."

"I'd like something tall, icy and full of gin..."

"I know the landlady said 'Make yourself at home', but really Fred..."

"I resent it when people come into complain about their spouses, especially when one is my husband."

"Do you want a beer?"

Beer

'Why the long face?'

Godfrey Hunting for Lodgings

The Lodger and the Maid

Unconscious Confession.

Waiter and Landlady

The Boarding-House

Nell in a faint

"Ooooh, she's tall! Good! Come in! I'll put away the flame thrower."

'Rat arsed.'

"What a pity! Mr Grogan took it on the lam not more than five minutes ago."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'You spend too much time in this stuffy pub.' - 'You're right, I'm taking my drink onto the patio.'

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

'Being adversaries, got stale, so now we are drinking buddies.'

'Kept to himself. Quiet. Paid his rent on time. No trouble at all.'

'You'll all know when you've had enough when she starts to look like a Page 3 girl!'

'What a twist of fate!'