Lake Comedian Pillows

'Oh no, not you again.'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Penguin

Brighton Bersagliere.

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Peter Benchley's New Book Fish!

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Lady to angler whose line is snagged: 'You would manage to get your line caught in the one tree in this entire massive lake.'

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

Of all the times for us to run in to team GB's Olympic synchronised swimming squad!

'I think its being tapped.'

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

Alligator Bars

"Have you noticed Carl never leaves the field to go to the bathroom?"

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

"We live in the desert. What did you think I meant when I said it'd be a nice day to go boating?"

'A tortoise is coming toward us' 'I newt' 'I toad you' 'Great, I'm on Walden Pun.'

Crossing Guard to rabbit at Deer Crossing: 'Not so fast, buddy - you don't look like a deer to me!'

"It doesn't make me feel sexy, it makes me cross-eyed!"

'It must be a milkfish.'

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"I think it stands for, 'Please Eat the Activist,' which is exactly what I did!"

Other things trees do in the forest when nobody's there to hear:

Birth of a shy/paranoid bird.

No petting in the pool!

A tortoise tries to mate with an igloo.

"Didn't I say to just sprinkle salt on it!"

"I heard this dumpster got a bad review, but we'll try it out anyhow."