Labor Humorist Pillows

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"I thought you wanted me to change."

Employee of the Month Parking

"I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee."

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

Ants dressed as businessmen going to work.

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

'I wish they'd hurry up and fix the wind tunnel.'

"So how did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"

The suggestion box.

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'