Lab Nerd T-Shirts

"They're very proud of me. I'm the first in the family to become a bimolecular pharmokinetic integrative-toxicological multiphoton-iagingphenotypic analyst."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Computer Bore

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

Ascent of Machine.

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"With less ice these days this provides better camouflage."

WiFi Signals

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"I'm an evolution denier. There's no way those people come from us."

"I am not asking for directions."

Neil Armstrong Outtakes

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

Robot Grabber Arcade Game Machine

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

Naked Mole Rat

Vaccine

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

Where did you learn alchemy? Elementary school.

Charles Darwin

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

"Nasty sunburn."

Free Radicals.

Genetic Fingerprinting.

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

"No son of mine is going into entomology."

"Sorry it's late. I got caught in Spring migration."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

'I'm growing mini human brains from stem cells.'