Knotweed Conqueror Pillows

"Ruddy Japanese knotweed gets EVERYWHERE."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Second lifeReal life.

Just call me Picasso!

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

The Devil's in the detail!

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

'Hand over the last one now kid or you're getting my fist for Christmas!'

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

'I've had a lot of experience at this. My Mom keeps the cookie jar on top of the refrigerator.'

"Stop staring"

Painter's Duel.

"The only thing wrong with Capitalism is competition. Sign this non-compete agreement."

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

Are they dangerous? Only if I shut off the tv.

"Ok, let's sneak up on Mr. Canvas and see if we can make a good impression."

"This next tune is a one-chord song about how hard it is to learn a second chord."

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

'My right brain isn't working.'

' Even though you can't make heads or tails out of it, let me assure you, it is, heads we win, tails they lose.'

"So many FANTASTIC applicants, where do we start!"

Artist paints UNDO icon onto canvas.

You finished Netflix

"I like it – I'm just not sure it's what I want to rot on."

"Yes! I defeated the invading forces! I am master and commander... I am a warlord!"

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Park? I'm stuck. Dr. Noodle. I'm paralyzed. I'm not making any progress. Honestly, I'm lost in the trees. I've lost sight of my goals. My health units are low. Units? Unseen enemies are everywhere. I can't sleep. I'm not eating. You're not making sense. Who am I kidding? You're right. The truth? Fine, I admit it. I can't get past level 5!!! I don't do video game counseling. If my mom loved me more, I'd be able to find more ammo.

"12 isn't a bad score on the hole. You did stray and some of those windmills are quite tricky!"

"Damn the Germans got here first!"

'I like Dr. Keener. He's a good loser.'

"Ha ha, very funny. But seriously … there’s a pub at the top?"

'The mARTyr'

'Unfortunately, he's very productive in paintings, not money.'

Abstract painter

'Here's a twist. Before you go on your quest, an insurance salesman tries to sell you life insurance. If you buy a lot you can date prettier girls.'