Knight (metaphorical) T-Shirts

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

Swiss army knife

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

Joust Sharpener

The Predictable Demise of Sir Textalot.

"There isn't a siege. We're all in line for the bouncy castle."

"Who ordered a pizza?"

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"Yes, I'm sure. The dragon I saw was quite a bit bigger."

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

Sir Jasper Murgatroyd

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"I was hoping you'd consider this a prelude to a kiss."

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Honour Being Served 'Apps at Dawn'.

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"Sheesh... Missed a button again."

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

Beware of the Dragon

'All I'm saying is; This maiden I'm here to rescue had better be really good looking!'

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'