Kitchenware Humorist Gifts

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Cook and her Maids

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Amy Sedaris

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Avocado Timeline

The secret lives of household things.

'He's all eyes!'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

Decaying corpse

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"Sucker!" / "Stirrer!"

"...My daughter, the model..."

"I'm looking for something a little more open pan."

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."