Kitchenware Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Our relationship has never been the same since Jeff ran off with that spoon...'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Counting ribs

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

Too much cilantro

A Day In The Kitchen

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

Bonita shows up late for the girls' Thursday night 'Jam Session'.

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"To help illustrate our sales plan I have created a pie chart."

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

'Did I doze off for a couple of years? Since when did cupcakes become a big deal?'

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

"Do you have an Isa?"

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"This new dough-maker attachment is going to pay for itself in no time.'

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

'I think he's had it with dry dog food.'

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

'Don't fill up on milk and cookies.'

Thank you for the wedding present.

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

Bread maker, coffee maker, tea maker, pasta maker.

'At these prices can't you afford a kitchen?' Burner at the table

"How's my wife doing in the discus tryouts? I can tell you that, at home, she's hell on wheels with saucers and plates."

"When a man is tired of pasta, sir, he is tired of life. Dr. Johnson."

'Drat - the water purifier is on backwards.'

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'