Kitchen Remodelers Gifts

We prefer "kitchen surface installers." not "counter-fitters."

Painting by the numbers for adults

Painting the Ceiling

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

A Matryoshka dolls putting an oven in an oven

'How are you doing on your side?'

'Isn't it great? It gives us four times the storage space as a regular fridge!'

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

"I thought this was a do it YOURself project."

"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

Microwave. Do you have any idea of the time pressure I'm under?

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

Swiss Army Stove.

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'Drat - the water purifier is on backwards.'