Kitchen Philosophers T-Shirts

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

The Origins of Everything

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Surprise in the salad bowl

'Do you call this spaghetti'

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"