Kitchen Philosophers T-Shirts

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

The Origins of Everything

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Surprise in the salad bowl

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Do you call this spaghetti'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline