Kitchen Giggler T-Shirts

'What do you mean, stuff the chicken? It wasn't empty.'

The Busy Gardener

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

The Main Types of Cheese

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"Garden variety allergies."

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

Hardy Annuals

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

Yard Sale

Beginning Yarder.

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

This is NOT 'nipping out'.