Gourmet Giggler T-Shirts

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

The Specials

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Small Caesar salad?"

'Will there be anything else, sir?'

'It's not nouvelle cuisine, Monsieur. You've ordered from the children's menu.'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'The souffl? is falling! The souffl? is falling..!'

Man returning 'Beef Wellington' "It doesn't fit"

Immature cheese pulling a face

Irradiated pizza

This is a classic dish, that I've pulled apart, then reconstructed.

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I don't suppose you have any grey poupon?'

'C'mon, just eat a mouseful.'

'. . . Did you want an apple pie with that value meal, sir?'

'Maybe we should have ordered bottled water.'

'My apologies for the delay - I'm afraid the microwave had broken so chef has to use the oven.'

'There is no chef. Would you like to take it up with one of our microwave technicians?'

'House wine?'

'How is the water prepared?'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

'You got a wine that will go well with bullshit?'

Corned Turtle on a Kaiser

"Excuse me, can we change our order from quality to quantity?"

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

"Page 1 is 'Best-Sellers.' Page 2 is 'Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous,' and on the back is 'And Bear in Mind.' "

"The free-range chicken with little shoes by Reebok."