Gourmet Giggler Pillows

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

The Specials

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'It's not nouvelle cuisine, Monsieur. You've ordered from the children's menu.'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'The souffl? is falling! The souffl? is falling..!'

Immature cheese pulling a face

Man returning 'Beef Wellington' "It doesn't fit"

"Small Caesar salad?"

'Will there be anything else, sir?'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

This is a classic dish, that I've pulled apart, then reconstructed.

'I don't suppose you have any grey poupon?'

"Excuse me, can we change our order from quality to quantity?"

'How is the water prepared?'

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'C'mon, just eat a mouseful.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

'You got a wine that will go well with bullshit?'

'. . . Did you want an apple pie with that value meal, sir?'

'There is no chef. Would you like to take it up with one of our microwave technicians?'

'House wine?'

'Maybe we should have ordered bottled water.'

"It's past its sell-by, best-by and use-by dates, but its kills-by date is still good."

'My apologies for the delay - I'm afraid the microwave had broken so chef has to use the oven.'

Corned Turtle on a Kaiser

Irradiated pizza

"I'd like a dozen thousand-year-old-eggs. Extra large."

"I'd like to order off the children's menu."