Kitchen Fixer-upper Pillows

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

"That's the last time I ask you to fix anything around here!"

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

The Upholstery Consultant

"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

Well paid job

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

'While we're on the subject, when are you going to do something about those potholes in our driveway at home?'

He spends all weekend under the stupid thing, but I don't think he's really fixing anything.

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."