Appliance Fixer-upper Pillows

"That's the last time I ask you to fix anything around here!"

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

The Upholstery Consultant

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

'While we're on the subject, when are you going to do something about those potholes in our driveway at home?'

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

Well paid job

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

"Here's a video showing how to fix a toilet. It shows a guy calling a plumber."

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

"Do you want to try and put the air conditioner in together or stay married?"

'What did I tell you about buying a flatpack wardrobe!'

'Well sir, out 'idyllic country cottage' may be a bit extreme, but you have to admit its got potential.'

Chainsaw and Chair

I can't decide if this is a self-improvement project or a home improvement project.

'The AC in the house croaked.'