Kitchen Experimenters Pillows

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

Have you got some E98 and E695 for 'Ma Traffords home baked apple pie'?

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

Returns. In my thirst for knowledge, I tried blending books.

'Never mind the flambe, I'll have the icecream.'

Hair dryer broken again?

"You were supposed to have invented fire!"

'All our family's creativity is channelled into finding ways to gain weight.

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

'I made the mistake of buying Greg a do-it-yourself wine making kit and a beer kit. Now we've got a 5-year supply of chianti with a thick, creamy head.'

"I've started a new diet. I'm supposed to put Worcestershire sauce on everything I eat."

"The toaster is broken again, sweetheart."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Cookbooks

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'My husband made my cake from scratch...even the candles.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"