Kitchen Evader Gifts

"Not now—I'm cooking to avoid intimacy."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

Party time.

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

I made you a cake!

'I put the cake in the blender because I wanted a glass of cake.'

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

The Inexperienced Cook

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'The cake timer dinged, Mom, and so did my stomach.'

"I'm unable to process this image."

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

Boy baking a cake.

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Time for pancakes!

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

Mrs Jones's fish pie could be smelt for miles around!

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

'If they rise they're scones. If not they're pancakes.'

Egg Surprise

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

I Bake. Deal with it.

"Just remember...the main ingredient in all my dishes is love."

But I followed the recipe exactly.

'I don't care what the timer says - my nose says they're done.'

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'