Kitchen Economist Gifts

'I did a study today, and cooking dinner just isn't cost-effective.'

'For thirty years my mother served nothing but leftovers... The original meal was never found!'

'I'm all for GM food, it's done wonders for my profit margins!'

Chicago School of Home Economics

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

The Origins of Everything

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

Granny with balanced pie chart

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"I'm unable to process this image."

Boy baking a cake.

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'I told my wife to run the house like a business. So she sold it to an American corporation.'

"Just think how much we could save if we switched the heating off altogether."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

'With the economy the way it is, I'm going to have to let one of you go.'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

Instead of a cap and gown Mike got a hairnet and spatula.

He wouldn't be calling the kettle that again.

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

"I think it's time we cashed in our spare change. We could probably pay off our house."

Bakery. The smell of freshly baked bread is the only truly perfect man-made thing on earth.