Kitchen Commando Gifts

'I told you not to clatter around in the kitchen like that! See â€--he just missed a field goal!'

Jack of all trades

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

'Like death by salad.'

'I'm going to make a batch of my ginger biscuits.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

The dress uniform of the Catering Corps

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

"I'd like to toast our guests."

Chef copy robot

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'