Kitchen Chaos Survivor T-Shirts

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Cookbooks

Kitchen Tetris

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

Man's cooking explodes.

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Ten out of ten for effort...

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

Anti-inflammation recipes

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

Cooking

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

'My hero!'

Disaster in the kitchen.

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

"I mean, he does have a point."

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

"Now why would a seagull fly in here and try to establish a rapport with me?"

One reason secret family recipes are usually best kept secret.

"That is why you don't put 'instant rice' in a slow cooker."