Kinky Gardener T-Shirts

'Anything else need tying up?'

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Planting seeds in garden - broad beans and jelly beans.

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

Tree Passion

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

Planting Bird Seed.

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

"Do you think there is life on other plants?"

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Paving over the window-box

Bug to bug: 'Do you think there is life on other plants?'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

'Manure, you say? We always put custard on our rhubarb!'

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

"You make me feel 'hole'."

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

Clown watering his flowers.

Football fan

'I tried to tell him I didn't think it was a tomato.'

Mr. Potato Head raking up leaves.

'I borrowed Timmy's model plane to crop dust the garden.'

Man with a sunflower head watering flowers with human faces.