King Critic T-Shirts

'You didn't care about Mary Queen of Scots or Louis XVI, so why all of a sudden are you granting asylum to Lady Godiva?'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

No Elgar!

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

"Actually, we're all better off when he IS sleeping on the job."

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"You'll never believe who's here."

The Algonquin Round Table

Manspreading in Art