King Critic T-Shirts

'You didn't care about Mary Queen of Scots or Louis XVI, so why all of a sudden are you granting asylum to Lady Godiva?'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

No Elgar!

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

Whistler's father.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

SF NO

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Samuel Beckett

"You'll never believe who's here."

Seamus Heaney

"Actually, we're all better off when he IS sleeping on the job."

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

The Algonquin Round Table

Bernard Levin