Kilted Crusader Pillows

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

'Thank-you God.'

"Ours is not a creative clan."

A Highlander Chasing Dogs with a Knife and a Broom.

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

Ironing day.

Scottish party

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

"It would kill him to run a vacuum?"

Scot holding a heart.

Coronavirus

"We can be old-timey office workers for Halloween."

Fumes from furniture

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"We can't be assailed and we can't be blackmailed... can't be derailed and will not be curtailed... competition will fail... cause we're too big to nail... oh, yeah!"

It's for you.

Stable boys and Scottsman

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I could probably keep spring-cleaning till next winter."

'Look out, it's a double edged sword. . .'

"Let me know when the floor is clean enough for me to put my feet on it again."

'Mom, I cleaned my room like you told me.'

Man of steel wool.

"You'll have to clean your room by yourself. Your plea for disaster aid has been turned down by the President."

Cleaner

'It's almost time to get the cross-country skis out and dust them off.'

'Oh no, green waxy build up.'

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."