Kid Chef T-Shirts

'What do you mean you're not hungry?'

'Like death by salad.'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

Better Not Squash.

Little chef.

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'The cake timer dinged, Mom, and so did my stomach.'

'... Of course, I had to train for this job. I went to sundae school.'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

Sushi Train Set.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"Ah! The Amazing Mommy and her tray of condiments!"

Scales

A man flips a pancake onto a child's head

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

Making Christmas Pudding.

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

"Ciiiiiilaaaantrooooo."

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

'Ice cream parlour.'

"Who wants to help Grandma make her famous gingerbread man cookies? You kids get the flour, eggs, and sugar, and I'll get the protoplasm and epithelial tissue."

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

"Come on, honey, try just one Goliath pea. It's organic, locally grown, and GMO free."

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

Toddler restaurants

"But if you let me lick everything, you won't have to do any dishes."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

'Haven't you heard that hypernutrition in the first years can lead to obesity in later life.'

"Mom, vegetables may help me grow and give me energy, but what if I want to be short and underachieving?"

"We merged to save through volume buying."