Keynote Speaker Gifts

How to tell when your presentation needs a little fine tuning.

"For tonight's lecture I'm going to stick to the program. I have to. I'm a robot."

"Personally, I wanted to hear your lecture on 'Prioritizing Business Needs', but everyone else went for the pizza in 3A."

'Without further ado, I will now choose my favourite microphone.'

'Ben, we need a fresh perspective. We'd like you to keynote this year's management conference.'

Conference Pears

"....which brings me to number one: Thinking inside the box."

"Don't grown at your audience."

"Next time, don't start the presentation by asking, 'Can you tolerate ambiguity?'!"

A Puppet Named Juan

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Showbiz Awards

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Campaign for Plain English

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'