Keyboard Crumb Buster Pillows

'Maybe you shouldn't eat by your keyboard.'

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

The Proust of Twitter

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

Pest Control

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

"Our smart home must know how must clutter we have, because it took it upon itself to rent a dumpster."

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

'So...worked in 'IT' long?'

Tortoise polishing his shell

Googoo

'If you don't stop biting your nails, you're going to ruin your teeth.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

Horn of Plenty.

"No Littering" sign in space.

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

"We have raccoons."

How farmers get away w/ eating crackers in bed

Woman in swimsuit vacuuming the lawn.

"I like putting any all the holiday decorations....it makes the room seem twice as large."

Stuff you need once then leave at the back of the cupboard to fester

'I begged him to get a smart reader.'

'It's easy to slag off other people's work, much harder to do better yourself...so Daddy's made a career out of slagging off other people's work.'

"I see balloons, food and drinks. Not only are there ants in our keyboard, they seem to be having a party."

Needle in a Haystack vs. Thumbtack in a Junk Drawer

Where bee's wax really comes from.

'Must you eat without your shirt on? The crumbs falling into your navel are beginning to compost.'