Kabuki Enthusiast Gifts

"Tuesday nights are Ed's Kabuki League bowl-offs."

The Vineyard

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"Yeah, it's me. I'm gonna be late for dinner."

"Which part are you reading for?"

Official Fight Cards

Skiing

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

"Relax, I'll go back and find it."

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

Marine-LAPD Ridealongs

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

Clandestine cows.

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

"Here comes the super-visor."

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

What it takes to be a leader.

No one ever tried to rob the Samurai Bank.

'Mr Godzilla - you need anger management!'

"Building a ninja-attracting business culture is easy. Keeping them focused on equity-based financial analysis? Not so easy."

Great-Great-Grandson of Godzilla

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'Instead of a black belt, some of our older students, like Mr. Mertz here, prefer the black suspenders.'

Stuntmen Directions

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

'I see you worked in government research - what kind?'

'So, were we entertained tonight, or just bludgeoned into submission?'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Monster Souvenir

Be the grass...