Juvenile Court Worker Pillows

'We're adjourning at 1:30 for naptime.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'

You're Out Of Order

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

Attorney and killer bee.

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'...unfortunately for you, I only see things in black and white.'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'That's why I like Neederman. He does the little things to help his team that don't show up in the statistics.'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'You're my 100,000th conviction... so, I'm going to take 25 off your sentence.'

'I accept that a dog can be a man's best friend but I'm afraid that doesn't qualify you to speak on the defendant's behalf...'

"Cupcakes for the judge? You're new here, aren't you?"

"He said 'stop me if you've heard this before', so, naturally. . ."

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."