Justice System Observer Gifts

'Prisons are overcrowded and a drag on the economy, so I'm sentencing you to six months of jury duty.'

A judge, the lawyers for the prosecution and defense, the accused and the jury stand in front of a packed courtroom and bow while holding hands like they are finishing a performance.

I can't believe you let them give me the death penalty, counselor. Shoplifting is a serious crime, Bob.

'The kid is being tried as an adult. The old man is in his second childhood, so he's being tried as a juvenile.'

'This illness Paris contracted must be contagious - everyone wants special treatment.'

Minority Report

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'Well people who said the SRA wasn't up to the job are going to have to eat their words now.'

Brett Kavanaugh Shows Why the US is the Bestest Country in the Whole Wide World

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

Supremacist Court

We Remove Lawyer Residue

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

'It's innocent or guilty. There are no do-overs.'

"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."

"To the unsophisticated, I suppose, I'm guilty."

Hit by a golf ball and injured...

'I plead not guilty by reason of money.'

'Okay, the print media convicted you...but trust me, the video media will overturn the verdict.'

'If the verdict is guilty, Mr. Foreman, simply say 'Guilty.' Please refrain from shouting 'Yer outta here'....'

"Don't worry, folks—with me on your side, the truth doesn't stand a chance!"

QC appointments fall to all time low.

'Try to think of it as early parole.'

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

'I don't believe in traditional capital punishment. I'm sentencing you to be taxed to death.'

The hearings on the Supreme Court vacancy will now come to order..."

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

"Pay attention! This is important!"

Adult Crime, Childish Thinking Time

'Now, don't you get judgmental with ME!'

"I want to thank all of you for a fair trial and if you're ever up Leavenworth way don't fail to drop in and see me."

Internet Sales Tax

'He has that certain undefinable something that says he's guilty as sin.'