Justice System Jokester Pillows

"May we have a recess your honor? My client's pants are on fire."

"Move to strike as non-responsive."

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

'We request a change of venue to a place where the juries are more naive.'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Arrogant junior barrister

Justice

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

McWit Legal College

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"Guilty times infinity."

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

'Any chance of making this a 'catch and release', officer?'

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

Your Honor, We Find The Defendant 'Naughty'.

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

'If the verdict is guilty, Mr. Foreman, simply say 'Guilty.' Please refrain from shouting 'Yer outta here'....'

Small Clams Court