Justice Of The Peace Gifts

'Mr. Justice, must you keep repeating 'nobody can fire me, nobody can dire me, nobody can dire me'?'

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"I now pronounce you guilty."

Trial by Media

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

Florida Governor, Rick Scott, cuts funding for rape victims.

The real murderer of Boris Nemtsov?

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"Now that's a win."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"Who wrote this "Law of the Jungle" nonsense? It is highly biased in favour of predators!"

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Anti-war libra.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Stop and Birch

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''