Junior Detective Gifts

"I know it's the right thing to do, but if we call the cops this sandbox will be tied up for weeks."

'If that's the Police Station - we're not here!'

'Next time I cut the red wire...'

'You'd have to work your way up to becoming a spy, maybe get some tinkering experience first ...'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."

'Pick up Carlson on the end, he's got proven performance data.'

"First buttons, then zippers, now we learn to tie our shoes. Is mom trying to tell us something?"

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

"The good news is, the children in the district have strong writing skills. The bad news is, we have sustained a letter-writing campaign from the third grade."

Kid to mom: 'How come I ask so many questions?'

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

'Mom, I swear it wasn't me! I didn't touch the cookies!'

"You should never ask her age unless it's carbon dating."

"I think oral sex is when they just talk about it."

"Anything?"

'I'd love to tell who did it, but I'm protecting my source.'

'He says the scent killer isn't working. He can still smell us.'

Jose Manuel Villarejo Scandal

Sorrows of a Subaltern

rebooting computer

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

You Always Get to Be the Good Guy

"I've found Waldo. Now what?"

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"I think this is the last year he'll believe in Father Christmas, he's asking a lot of questions"

"The charges of blackmail were dropped. Those pictures of the prosecutor really came in handy."

"Shhh. I think I heard my name."

Yes, inspector, it's another cold-blooded murder!

"That new kid is taking hide-and-seek seriously...he's brought in bloodhounds!"