Junior Athlete Pillows

"This is outrageous! I demand to have it! Right here, right now!"

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Football Fans

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Exercising

Hockey Season.

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

Children jumping onto mattress in PE.

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

Soccer kids texting

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

'Between the school assignments, sports classes, and dance lessons, I hardly have any time to spend with my dolls.'

Multisports

A boy with a football

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

'The kids take it very seriously - I'm sure it's their father's fault.'

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'The game was called off on account of rain.'

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

Our coaches are from top college teams. Questions. Why aren't you in training? Sports Camp. Rotator cuff injury. Concussion. Back surgery. Counselor. Ok, campers. Let's show them what you've got! Excellent health insurance card representation!

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

"I'm delighted that you feel better, but I'd go easy on those backflips!"