Juicehead Jokester Pillows

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Men dancing

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

Elf of the Month

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"Guilty times infinity."

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

"If you have an emergency, use this pepper spray."

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

C is for Cracker

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Are you guilty or not guilty? What happens if I plead guilty?

'You can't borrow the sleigh tonight- it's Christmas Eve!'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

Your Honor, We Find The Defendant 'Naughty'.

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'